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Parenting Q
& A by Mary Allen A Potpourri of Essays about the Family, the Home, and Parenting |
"So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" Psalm 90:12 |
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Q: I’m a
stay-at-home mom, but I also freelance three days a week. Balancing
parenting
with my writing career is more difficult than I thought it would be. We
do need
the extra income, and we feel strongly that we’re to be the ones
raising our
three children. However, I’m verging on burn-out over here and can’t
get a
break for all the interruptions. A:
Tough question. Let’s explore your
options and talk about priorities. First, I
commend you for trying your best at juggling all these hats! I know a
little
bit of what you are experiencing, as a home-schooling, writer-mom
myself, yet
probably have more leeway than you do when it comes to deadlines. So
bear that
in mind as you read my advice. Another confession: I have a terrible
time
getting everything
done. Four keys to
staying sane while
working at home:
Okay, now
that I’ve rattled those off, let me commiserate with you. I know all
about
interruptions. There’s a particular pang that surfaces at regular
intervals
each day, always when the words are flowing like milk alongside fresh
cookies. Somebody
inevitably falls out a window, or screams as if they did, and creative
flow is
murdered then and there, about the time you realize those loud sirens
are–gulp–pulling into your driveway. Okay, maybe
the pang is simply your child needing help with his homework, but the
effect
remains the same. In our case, story-world shattering. Because life
happens. What helps me, is to stop and remember that my first priority,
after
God and husband, is my children. Housework can pile up, I might need to
say “no”
to friends and volunteer activities more often than I’d like, and skimp
on
sleep to get my writing projects done. But these years of my children’s
lives
are irreplaceable. I believe if you keep your priorities lined up with
what God
sets forth in the Bible, He will make a way for all the other things.
In His
time, not necessarily ours. And it might mean cutting back where you
can on
expenses, in order to minimize the amount of income your family needs
to get
by. It’s an
amazing thing to ponder, this call to parenthood, especially when
you’re in the
career of creating art or literature, etc. Our life, and the lives of
those
around us have been painstakingly developed by the Master Craftsman.
Imagine
what thought and careful creativity went into us, His creation. The
science
behind our DNA alone is mind-boggling. And
Psalm
139:16, “Your eyes have seen my unformed substance, and in
Your book were
all written the days that were ordained for me when as yet there was
not one of
them.” We are God’s
hand-made creation, put here to make a difference on earth. Don’t you
think He
is watching us closely, wanting us to live up to our full potential?
When you
love what you do, it’s alive and thrilling and you hover over it in
anticipation of what comes next. I might see a
pile of lumber in the yard and think it’s a mess that needs cleared
away, while
my husband sees a future deck and play area for the family. You might
visit my
home and wince at the pile of rocks behind our property. I see those
rocks and
envision outdoor fireplaces, rock ledges, and stone patios. My point is
that sometimes our viewpoints in life get a bit jaded.
Burn-out occurs gradually. We need to
rediscover our passion for the “life” God’s plotted out for us. We need
to help
our children discover their God-given light switch and be there to
watch the
brilliance unfold. Sometimes you
have to decide to engage. That’s how it was for me. Yes, it is a
sacrifice, but
the joy is there…a few chapters into the book. A practical
idea for your particular situation would be to set aside Saturdays for
your
writing. I’m assuming your husband could fill in the gaps with the
children for
this one day a week, or maybe you could hire a reputable sitter for a
few hours
of uninterrupted writing. I’ve noticed that two extra hours either at
night or
early in the morning make the difference for me. You could require your
children to have a rest time each afternoon, whether to sleep or read
or draw,
as long as they give you ninety minutes to work. It does take
dedication to
find a happy medium. Another
bit of
advice I have for you, is not to fall into the trap of using TV and
other
electronic diversions as babysitters. I’ve been there and done that,
and it’s
not pretty. Almost three years ago, we weaned our entire family off of
what we
like to call, “the plug-in drugs” and consequently, they now
self-entertain on
a wonderfully creative level. Good
craftsmanship. We want it as writers, as parents, and we owe our
pursuit of it
to our Creator. But children don’t automatically become God-fearing
adults. We
can’t feed ourselves a diet of “world” and not deal with the
side-effects. We can’t pour
our heart out in a Word Document and expect it to be a bestseller with
no
polishing! So the next
time you’re required to push away from the computer, the job, the NBA
Playoffs,
the book in your head…remember that it’s the interruptions that make
our lives
“ours”. We’ve been
signed on this team
and for good reason. Ephesians
2:10, “We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to
do good works,
which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ponder on
that. And while you’re at it, remember that Jesus sees in you a person
worth
dying for. We’ll
never be the men and
women God created us to be until we grasp onto that incredible love. All in the
process of becoming His Masterpiece… Even if most
of the time I’m just an apprentice with high aspirations! Blessings, Mary Rejoicing
in hope... Romans
12:12
About the Author: Mary Allen is a stay-at-home, homeschooling, country-loving mom. She makes her home in the mid-west amidst Border Collies, horses, cows, a horde of chickens, her beloved husband of 16 years and their three girls. She writes articles for several online publications, including her own website, Home-Steeped Hope.
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