| No Plants, Please |  |
How to Help Out a New Widow
Just
had a classmate pass away over the weekend. May I give some tips to
help a widow since I am one. Please re-think the plant thing. I did get
some plants that I could plant outside, but most of the plants I got
had to go to someone else after the funeral. I just didn't have room
for them and I honestly don't do indoor plants. (One more thing to take
care of) If she has children at home, she can't feed them a plant! Send
some cash or a gift card so she can go out to eat when she just can't
bring herself to fix even a pb and j. If she does have life insurance,
it can take 3 months to even get the insurance and she has been living
on a 2 incomes and is down to one, she needs time to adjust to that. If
the widow doesn't work outside the house and has to wait on an
insurance check, she will have to live on her credit cards. That is
could be scaring and the funeral home wants their money in 30 days!!
A
funeral is like a thunderstorm, everyone rushes in to "be there and
help" until the funeral is over and everyone else goes home to their
"normal lives". So here are somethings you can do following the passing
of your friends: Go mow her lawn for the rest of the summer and fall!
Pull weeds for her when she is not home. Send her another card to go
eat out even if you already sent one. Ask her over for dinner. Men (and
some gals), if she needs her car fixed, or something in the house that
you have skills, offer and tell her you will change the oil for her or
if something breaks, tell her to call you. If you have the money to pay
for it yourself...do it. Just ask once in a while if something needs
fixed. Everything her hubby used to do, she now has to add to her
schedule and it is over-whelming (even 3 years later). If she has
children, do something with the children. On holidays, make sure she
has somewhere to go. Remember his birthday and send a text. Basically,
she is in a new place and she didn't ask for it. God gave it to her and
it is a long journey to figure out the "new normal". Help, help, help
do the things you are good at to help the new widow. If she will let
you come clean the house and wash the sheets a few times. Ask when you
can come do it. Let her talk and talk about her "beloved husband", she
needs that. You can ask her what she misses most about him being gone.
Guy friends, always give an appropriate hug to a widow, she now has no
physical touch from her husband. Be her friend and speak to her. If she
has sons and they are grown and now no husband, it is nice to talk to
men because they just don't talk about "girl things". Talk to the
children (young and older), ask how they are processing things. They
hurt too and most people forget to engage them in conversation about
how they are doing and just talk to the mom.
Here
are a couple of "don'ts". Don't ask her every day how she is. Ask her
what she has been up to and on an occasion ask how she is doing "today"
because the mood can change hourly sometimes. Don't text her everyday
unless you already do that. Don't say "he is in a better place". Don't
say, "call if you need something." Ask, "when can I come vacuum", "when
can I come mow", "when can I come bring dinner and stay and eat", when
does your car need an oil change, I will come get it and have it done
or do it myself."
Please
share this with your friends...we need to change the "send a plant" and
send some real help instead. Trust me, I have done the other, but now I
am on the other side and would like to help educate others who might
like to know.
By Rhonda Schueren
